“There is a light in the core of our being that calls us home—one that can only be seen with closed eyes; We can feel it as a radiance in the center of our chest. This light of loving awareness is always here, regardless of our conditioning. It does not matter how many dark paths we have traveled or how many wounds we have inflicted or sustained as we have unknowingly stumbled toward this inner radiance. It does not matter how long we have sleepwalked, seduced by our desires and fears. This call persists until it is answered, until we surrender to who we really are. When we do, we feel ourselves at home wherever we are. A hidden beauty reveals itself in our ordinary life. As the true nature of our Deep Hear is unveiled, we feel increasingly grateful for no reason—grateful to simply be.”

—John J. Prendergast, PHD, The Deep Heart  

Seems like it’s been rainy, windy, dreary for eons. Which may have helped us shelter inside a bit more. I remember reading years and years ago in a Seth book that weather can be influenced, and even created by mass human emotion. Why not? We are far more powerful than we currently acknowledge, and science is beginning to validate many phenomena that had seemed inconceivable before. Those seemingly endless days of “bad” weather seemed congruent with the emotional tone of covid her in New England. And now SUN! Glorious, warming, invigorating, hope-filled Sun! Today I will be outside basking and gardening and thanking. And I’m sure the whole neighborhood, and most of New England will go outside, stand with our faces to the sun and breathe a huge healing breath of joy. And maybe the collective energy of that will resonate out across the word as a promise of brighter days to come.     

Quiet is great. Quiet feels essential to what is being asked of me during this time and I’m meditating more and deeper than before covid… and then yesterday I needed to get loud. I put on some old favorite music, sang my lungs out (an added bonus of working from home) and danced in my chair like no one was watching (another bonus). I felt a huge burst of release from all the heavy, dreary, rainy days that seem to be part of this. Yes yoga is fantastic in every way AND crazy uninhibited dancing to ecstatic music is also manna for the soul.

Every time I remember this Tibetan Buddhist practice, I am stunned by how it shifts my state. At the start of an activity, offering that all being benefit through my actions, opens my awareness to the interconnectedness of Being. As my husband and I walked in the woods yesterday, I remembered to greet the forest and honor its gifts of beauty, clean air, and profound demonstration of emergence and dissolution. I could feel a Presence acknowledging my greeting and it felt so right to offer our walk to the healing and benefit of all beings all over the world. I remember how it stunned me in teacher training to read the Bhagavad Gita where it said we are responsible for our actions, but not entitled to the fruits of our actions; that is up to Lord Shiva (the Absolute). I’m asking to remember more and more with each thing I do, to offer that all beings be blessed. And when I add the physical movement of putting my hand on my heart, it compounds the intensity of the expression. It may not go any further than my own Presence, but in that, it does everything.

I’m starting to get anxious. I have a full time job as a graphic designer and all our work has dried up since the world has stopped holding conferences. Thankfully my boss assures me that she won’t lay me off, but days and now weeks of little or no work are stoking the anxiety machine in my brain, which is well-oiled and running on all cylinders already. The brain notices this discomfort and offers that something to eat will make me feel better….and WHOA! Those chips are AWESOME. So I pound down several thousand calories worth. And YIKES! Now I feel WORSE! Better have more chips so I don’t have to feel this. No Bueno. My coach always says notice that the worst that can happen is a feeling…WHAT? And 100% confidence comes when you are willing to actually feel all the feelings. So today I will feel the call of those chips and sit and breathe YES to the tsunamis of anxiety. I will soften the dam of resistance and unwillingness and simply sit and breathe and be with all of it…but OMG those chips are AWESOME!

With all this “extra” time on my hands, I should have a spotless house, a pristine garden, a checked-off “to do” list. Nope.  All the drives and ambitions to build my coaching practice, market my art, start a podcast, seem to have lost their charge right now. Instead, the stillness calls me to take this pause and explore it. Slow down even more and feel deeper into not-doing. The shouldstorm ruffles my feathers and I get up to do something and notice it lost its charge. Stillness calls me back to witness this slowing down. For the first time ever, the incredible acceleration of the world’s doings is being forced to pause. Something is asking us to feel deeper inside to an authenticity that is connected to nature, to honoring, to something far more sublime than doing — BEING. So I go into the woods and feel it all; the decay and growth, the eating and being eaten, the full spectrum of Life arising and dissolving back to the Oneness. I let the shouldstorms do their rain of guilt and shame, and rest in spacious Wonder that has infinite room for all of it.     

The human brain is hardwired to filter for dangers and threats. Finding them, it puts the whole system on alert with hormonal and electrochemical readiness for fight, flight or freeze. And this creative human brain offers us a continuous stream of potential catastrophes, thinking it is helping us prepare for whatever comes. The brain goes on overdrive, our muscles tense, our breathing gets shallow and choppy, and bloodflow is diverted from organic to muscular systems, so we might notice digestive issues, sleep challenges, inability to calm the mind and body. And then we come to our mat and re-member, drawing all the bits and pieces of attention from the “out there” to the exquisite sensations of muscles moving, breath deepening, and feet finding their roots. As a person who has struggled with anxiety for decades, I find refuge through yoga and meditation. Dropping out of that narrative in my head down into the depths of sensation through breath and movement is the medicine that reliably and consistently offers me relief from this overactive brain. It would not be an overstatement to say yoga has been my salvation, and it is my greatest privilege and honor to share that with this community. Think of it — our yoga practice gives us the tools to manage our state and become the healing presence that ripples out to our loved ones, and beyond.